When we lose something, we make room for something new

Today I am leaving New York City...I feel a strange sensation of going away from the past three months living here and moving into a cloud of the unknown. That makes me feel excited, relieved, nervous, and determined. I ended up withdrawing from my courses at NYU and not finishing the semester, which in a way makes me feel like I wasted a lot of time and money but in another way I feel like I learned some very important lessons about my life...is it worth $15,000? Well, I guess I can't put a price tag on it. At least it happened. Maybe I was meant to come here in order to find these lessons.

I have now decided that 1. I'm not going to move to a new place frivolously until I find out everything about the opportunity waiting and consider my options seriously before making a decision, 2. Wherever I move to next, I will make my home- no matter where it is at. I will not live out of my boxes and on an air mattress for weeks or months at a time, 3. I will value myself, treat myself with respect, allow myself to experience goodness, and cultivate my passions, 4. I will not start another master's degree or degree program I need to pay for (including free-floating non-degree classes), 5. Constantly keep my eye on what counts for my career and personal life, 6. Give myself time everyday to let go of all worries and tensions, coming back to reality with a clear perspective, 7. Maintain healthy and enriching relationships with my friends and family, 8. Work to open my heart to others, no matter how I judge their goodness-- after all that is just my judgement and does not speak to who they really are, it speaks to who I am.

It is funny how I expect fireworks to go off or something to mark this change in my life. When actually the change is happening much slower and subtly, while just going on with my normal everday routines of living. The remarkable things, I suppose, I'll see over time in this case. My efforts at moving to a different place in my life will just accumulate into something that takes a shape over time. I need to be patient.