Barbara Kingsolver.

One day I started The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver, although I had to return the book to the library before I could finish it.

Barbara Kingsolver grew up in Eastern Kentucky and tells the stories of the unheard marginalized in this country and world. I listened to an interview with her online. She talked about writing fiction in this interview and I learned a great deal.

To her, she starts writing with a question in mind. And she writes a book to answer that question (that she doesn't know in the beginning and writes to know) and to convey to others what she wants them to know.

For example, she quoted another writer saying "The fiction writer says the words what cannot be said in words." with reference to her thought that fiction writing is sometimes the best way to tell a true story. And sometimes an idea is so massive that without the elaboration, narrative, description, expansion of fiction writing-- it is missed.

I really appreciate Barbara Kingsolver's work and it was such a joy to hear her speak.

Here's a picture of my living room. I mainly spent the whole day working on my paper that is due on Thursday for an Ethnocultural class. Tomorrow I will work on writing it and also shop for an outfit I can wear to a job interview I have on Friday and another one I have on Monday. Let's see how they go!

Small surprises.

House on 11th street.

applewood restaurant store front.

Here are a couple photos from my neighborhood. I needed to find beauty in small things as I walked home-- I was upset and tempered and nothing I did seemed to calm me down. So passing this amazing small restaurant on 11th street with its small lights, simple natural ambiance always makes me smile. And it worked today. Some day I want to try applewood! I looked at their menu, and it's a bit pricey.

but....

I would try their:

*small plate: preserved meyer lemon-ginger risotto mascarpone cheese, herb oil
*entree: pan roasted vermont free-range veal toasted wheat berries, red chard salad, parsley butter
*wine: rossetti nero d’avola “terre del nero d’avola”, sicilia ’05
*dessert: meyer lemon-mascarpone pudding cake toasted pecans, sweet cream
*tea

Bon appetite!

Just be here.

I took my usual afternoon walk in Prospect park, which is such a release. It is a time where I can separate from all anxieties and just walk through the wind and open space. And that is usually the time when sensible ideas and lucid thoughts appear. When I do even have them.

So today, again I thought about my career and jobs and how much stress and strain I make in my life trying to find the perfect job or opportunity right now. And some strain comes from also trying to figure everything out all the time. I dig and dig for answers instead of giving myself a chance to create them. The answers will not come from another source, they will come from me, and even so there are no answers. Rather this is my life now and I need to not try to escape from it.

Instead, I have given myself permission to just be. To take my life moment to moment...it is okay that I don't know where I am going to. Whether I want to stay in the social work program, and worrying about past potentially lost opportunities, thinking about times when I gave up or looked to the other side of the fence where I thought the grass is greener. Those thoughts are not beneficial and I cannot use them to control my life now. What I can do is look at my life as it is now and make the best possible decisions for myself as I am now, and not as I was a year or two ago.

Rainy and misty.

Saturday